Trying not to dwell...

I spent about 15 minutes on this...I did not over think it or shape it or do much with it except let it out.  I suspect I will regret that later and perhaps rework it...but not right now.

A shadowy presence in my mind, lurking

Blotted out most of the time when I’m occupied

Time with friends, errands to run, chores to do

But then, under the glow of a supermoon

And the quiet hum of tires on the ethereal highway,

It comes back to me in a wave of melancholy

It does that sometimes, less often than the pain

Sometimes it comes as anger, but not tonight

Tonight it came out of nowhere dressed in sadness

Like a shadow in the night, a cloud in the sky

It came and I was reminded not just that I hurt

But it softly reminded me how and why I am broken

Not in a way that stops me from loving life

Not in a way that shatters dreams or saps hope

Not in a way that leaves me crippled and lost

But just a little less than whole, a little bit flawed

Just little broken like a chip in a glass figurine

A rough edge that time smoothed out but did not erase

This time it comes to me in numbers that prick my eyes

And roll through my mind like an insidious code

The 11^th day of the 8^th month

The 38^th minute of the sixth hour after noon.

The temperature was 78 degrees.

His speed was over 50, mine was less than 5

A quarter percent of his blood was alcohol.

It was the tenth day after I bought the car

The first car I’d ever owned

The third month I’d had my license.

Now I spend forty dollars to have my bones cracked

Hoping it will hold for four weeks until I return

I had five shots driven into my spine for no relief.

I was twenty three and it has now been 19 years

I cannot remember and I cannot forget

But don’t mourn for me – the shadow will pass

The chip will remain, but I’m not really broken

When I smile I mean it, when I laugh I feel it

The moon is beautiful tonight and I am alive.

Alive.